I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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