return my video game
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
