Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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