the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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