My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What changed your mind?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.