hotel room ftw
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.