70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
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I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.