bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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