I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
