Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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