Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
