I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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