one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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