Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
