i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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