"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
