I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
