i love accidental penises.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
