Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
