I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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