we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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