he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
