She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
