I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
try to milk me bitch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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