Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
