I wish my penis had an off switch
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
