Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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