the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
