I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
