Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
