if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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