just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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