I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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