final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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