tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
