when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We had sex on a dog bed..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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