Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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