I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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