i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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