Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
