Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
