He kissed a someone with a penis
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
