Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to