I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.