Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
