that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
