I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
