I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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