I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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