he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
