dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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