I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
