All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
