Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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