I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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