I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
