I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I would fuck him just for his dog
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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