we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
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