so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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