NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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