it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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