dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
