Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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