I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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