i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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