I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just had sex bonerless
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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