I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
