I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
