I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
