he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she told me i tasted like america
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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