Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
