god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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