It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize