you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
